For many writers, writing dialogue is the fun part.
So of course, we want to make it the best it can be! After I shared my post on punctuating dialogue, a couple of people asked me if I would share some general writing tips for dialogue.
As someone who’s been a book editor for several years, I see some common mistakes that even talented writers make. I’ll go over them, including some dialogue examples (all written by me, of course, just for this post!)
Writing dialogue mistake #1: it’s line after line of dialogue, with not much else.
This is the error I see most often. For a page or two…or even several pages…it’s just dialogue, dialogue, dialogue, with a he said or she said or so on thrown in once in a while. Basically, it looks like a transcript of a conversation, rather than an actual scene.
As readers, most of us don’t feel as connected to passages like this, for a couple of reasons.
First of all, the scene doesn’t feel as real. As readers, we forget where the characters are. We don’t know if they’re sitting or standing. They become disembodied heads, floating in fog.
Secondly, the scene isn’t as emotional as it could be. We’re not getting the main characters’ thoughts or feelings, and in real life, a lot of communication is nonverbal.
It’s very normal to have a passage like this—or several of them—in an early draft.
Here’s how to fix it!
You’re going to flesh out the conversation by layering in any or all the following.
actions
These can be big, such as a character throwing their arms around someone or throwing a beer bottle at a wall, but more often, they’re small. I have a list of 200 small actions in my book Master Lists for Writers: Gold Edition!
Here are a couple of samples of what that looks like in dialogue.
As he transferred the hot dogs from the grill to a paper plate, he asked, “So what about you? You a Cubs fan?”
*
“I’m going, and you can’t stop me.” She snapped the suitcase shut.
body language and gestures
These are, strictly speaking, also small actions. Here are examples of these in dialogue.
The Elf Queen raised a graceful hand. “Let the human speak.”
*
His shoulders slumped. “I never shoulda robbed that stagecoach.”
You can check out my big list of body language and gestures!
facial expressions
Here are examples of this!
Her jaw dropped. “No way.”
*
They scrunched up their face. “No thanks.”
Also check out my list of facial expressions!
your point of view character’s internal thoughts and feelings
You can do things like this!
“Where’s Olivia?” he asked, alarmed.
*
“That makes sense,” I said automatically, although it didn’t. At all.
your point of view character’s physiological reactions
These can come into play whenever your character has an emotional response to the conversation. Here are a couple of examples.
Her stomach did a little flip at the sound of his voice. “Good morning to you, too.”
*
His heart hammered in his chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
your point of view character’s direct internal monologue
Most of us don’t use actual words and sentences in our heads when we’re thinking most of the time. But once in a great while, we think in actual words, and this happens sometimes in conversations, even if we don’t say those words out loud.
You don’t want to overdo this, but used here and there, it’s very effective. Let me show you a couple of examples of what this looks like when you’re writing dialogue!
“Thanks,” I say. Thanks for nothing.
*
Yay! “Great. I can start on Monday.”
details about the setting
The setting may match the mood of the scene or provide a contrast to it. A mention of the setting can also fill in a short silence. However you use a detail about the setting, it keeps the scene feeling real and grounded. For instance…
The breeze picked up, making the tulips nod in their beds. “I’ll think about it,” she said.
*
Around us, wedding guests were now scream-singing to “Sweet Caroline.”
I asked him, “What makes you think it was murder?”
Okay, I wrote a lot about that first mistake and how to fix it, but I’m going to cover two other issues!
Writing dialogue mistake #2: the characters are repeating each other’s words too often.
This is what we call “echoing dialogue,” and I’ll give you a couple of examples.
“Do you want to go to brunch on Sunday?” Mika asked.
“Brunch on Sunday? I’d love to,” Janae replied.
*
“You’re just scared she’ll say no,” Steve said.
David gave an indignant huff. “I am not scared she’ll say no. It’s just not a good time.”
Why is echoing dialogue a problem? Because if you do it a lot, it slows down the pace of the story. The reader may feel a little worn out, even if they don’t know why.
Sometimes there’s a good reason for a character to repeat dialogue, such as when your character can hardly believe what the other person said. In that first example above, Janae might repeat, “Brunch on Sunday?” if she’s thrilled that Mika is inviting her somewhere, or if it’s the first time anyone has ever invited her to brunch.
Writing dialogue mistake #3: the characters are repeating themselves when there’s not a really good reason for it.
Here’s an example!
“Sonia, I love you,” he said.
“Don’t say that. It’s not appropriate. I’m your boss.”
He took a step closer. “I’m in love with you, Sonia.”
“I’m your boss, Erik. You shouldn’t be saying this to me.”
When both characters say basically the same thing in two exchanges in a row, the scene is spinning its wheels a little.
In real life, people repeat themselves a lot. In a drawn-out argument, for example, someone might say the exact thing they said a half hour ago. But fiction cuts out the tedious and repetitive parts of real life, in a hundred different ways.
There are certainly times when it makes sense for one character to repeat themselves. One perfect example of this is in the movie Good Will Hunting: the psychologist (played by Robin Williams) repeats “It wasn’t your fault” until Matt Damon’s character breaks down. Above, if Erik kept repeating “I love you,” and Sonia had something different to say in response every time, that might work.
I hope these tips for writing dialogue are helpful!
Do you have dialogue writing advice of your own to share? Are there any kinds of conversations you love to write…or any that you find especially challenging? Let us know in the comments! Thanks so much for reading, and happy writing!
Note: like every post on this blog, this post was written with NO help from AI. If you’re new here, welcome to the blog! I hope you’ll subscribe!
Dialogue has always been a favorite of mine, as well as fight scenes. Keeping setting in play and relavent is the hard part for me.
I always have to go back and ground a scene a little more! I think fight scenes are hard to write, and I admire people who just have the knack for it! 🙂
Good dialogue can make a good book, great. I once critiqued for a writer who had, you guessed it, pages of straight dialogue without mention which one was speaking. After about the third line I began to get confused as to who said what. So another thing to think about is mentioning who it is who is speaking, just to keep people on track. For example: Phil rubbed his chin before cautioning his friend. “Don’t do it.” Just adding Phil’s name keeps you in line with who says what. I agree with all those things you said, Bryn! Hope you don’t mind that I added one more. 😀
Sonia
Hi Sonia! Yes, it’s especially difficult when you have to go back and sort of count lines to see who is saying what! I’m glad you brought that up. 🙂 I hope everything is going well with you!
I like writing dialogue. I hear the characters’ voices in my head, which helps keep their characteristics.
I agree with you on everything you said, especially the pages of dialogue.
Hi V.M.! YES, I will sometimes hear characters’ voices in my head at random times! Just as you say, that does help keep their characteristics in mind. Hope everything is going well with you!
Great post, Bryn. I’m sharing this with friends. It’s advice one doesn’t often see among “tips for writing good dialogue.” I love your Master Lists for Writers, too, and keep it on my desk for easy reference!
Hi Jennifer! Nice to hear from you! 🙂 Ah, thank you for the kind words and for sharing. And thank you for getting Master Lists! I’m so glad it’s useful!
Most of my creative works was in screenplay format (nothing published). I have both the tendency to have the characters “tell too much” instead of me showing through action. In that format, I also weigh down the pacing with unnecessary details. My next campaign needs to be efficiency. I need to take the red pen to my work and clear out the fluff.
Hi Chris! Oh, I think we all struggle with showing through action. 🙂 And I wind up getting out my red pen and cutting out a lot of unnecessary details when I’m revising, too! Hope everything is going well with you!
I can very much relate to the first mistake! Whenever I do a first draft of a chapter, it’s a whole bunch of dialogue/no actions. I usually have to go over it and flesh it out with actions and internal thoughts.
Oh, I do it all the time with a first draft! It’s usually when the whole conversation has come to me all at once, and I can barely write fast enough. 🙂 It’s a good thing that it’s pretty easy to flesh it out later. Hope things are going good with you!
Great tips and examples.
Thank you!! Hope you’re having a good week!
Thanks for the tips Bryn! I enjoy using dialogue in my stories and do include thoughts at times, so I’m always grateful to hear new ideas from you about their use. Have a lovely day.
Cheryl, I’m sorry I missed this sooner! Thanks for the kind words. 🙂 Hope you’re having a good week!
I knock on the oak office door.
“Enter,” calls Sir John Fitz Osborne, Leige Lord of this fortress.
“Your name, boy, John Hill?” asks Sir John, with the authority of a general.
“Yes, My Lord, no middle name.”
“I’m sending you away for a time.”
“Sir?” I look toward my grandmother, Billie. Her face offers nothing.
“Lady Wilhelmina is taking you. That’s all.”
The Lord puts his seal on a parchment envelope and hands it to Billie. She nods and leads me out of the office.
“What’s goin’ on? I don’t want to go anywhere. A stuck-up man writes a few words on a paper, and I’m out the door, the bastard.”
I look Billie in the eyes as I plop into the cab beside her. “Where are we going? Am I in trouble?”
Billie’s face sharpens as she points a rough finger at me. “John, you should be careful about whom you call, bastard.”
It hits me like a stone behind the eye; I’m the bastard.
She gives me a sly grin. “You’re not in trouble.”
“Where are we going? You didn’t answer that.”
“Sharp boy, I’m taking you to America.”
“America, but why?”
“What do you know of Sir John?”
“Besides his being the castle’s 9th generation Earl, not much.”
“You are his blood. You are John Fitz Osborn, his son.”
The cab backfires, but the noise is nowhere near the explosions in my head.
Just where am I going?”
“The Knight Riding School in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia.”
“And what else haven’t I been told?”
She says a weak “trust me,” and goes silent.
We abandon the cab near a rustic wharf in Portsmouth. The sea air assaults my nostrils as we walk to the tavern at the base of a pier. Billie orders sandwiches, a pint, and tea for me.
The tavern turns quiet.
Men and women with weathered faces and clothes stare at Billie; it must be her chin tattoo.
“Billie, Billie Erikson, is it you, is it really you?” booms an Irish voice from across the room. The florid man with eyes as gray as his side burns strides over
“Paddrick, you old shark bait, what are you doing here?” answers Billie.
“Why, I worship the very ground you walk on, the seas you swim in, you lovely mermaid. I thought you had turned over and received your tail by now.”
“Well met, Paddrick. As you can see, like a cork, I always pop back up, and you never know, under this skirt there might be a mermaid’s tail. What brings you to Portsmouth?”