Hey! I am giving this post a content warning for brief references to suicidal ideation, abuse, rape, and child rape and sexual assault. If you have PTSD from these experiences and you’re not having a good day today, please give it a pass. Take care of yourself!
One of the big questions that comes up for writers is, “Is it okay if I write about this?” You might wonder about if it’s okay to write about your own life—which might include trauma, child abuse, or mental illness. You also might worry if it’s okay to write about trauma or mental illness you haven’t experienced. After all, you want to get it right.
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I’m going to talk about writing about mental illness and trauma you don’t have, and then I’m going to talk about writing about mental illness and trauma that’s a part of your own experience.
Writing About Mental Illness You Don’t Have
My supernatural romance novella Wicked Garden is an example of an author writing about a mental illness she does not have. I’ve known two people with the type of OCD the hero has—which is not the “neat freak” type I’ve usually seen in fiction, TV, and movies. One of these people was a friend, and the other was someone I met years ago.
(PS: this novella does contain some sexy content and a ghost, though, so skip it if you don’t like either of those things!)
I think I wrote a character with this type of OCD—which plagues a person with fears that they’re going to harm others, or perhaps have even already done so—partly because it dovetailed nicely with the ghost story, and partly because I felt the public perception of OCD was very limited.
Because I’d known two people with this kind of mental illness, and I’d heard them talk a lot about it, I felt fairly confident writing a character with the same struggle. But if you don’t have firsthand experience with a mental illness or with anyone who has it, I think it’s important to do a lot of research. Read nonfiction books and memoirs. However, it’s true that mental illnesses present themselves in different individuals in different ways, so it’s also okay if your character isn’t a textbook example.
I think the other thing to be careful with here is that the mental illness doesn’t define the character’s whole personality. My character, Aaron Cavanaugh, isn’t just a troubled soul. He’s funny, empathetic, and charming. He has a steady job, he’s close to his family, and he has a rescue dog named Hank. In fact, he’s not someone that people who necessarily expect to have struggles with mental illness—which is often the case!
Writing About Trauma You Haven’t Experienced
If you’re writing about child abuse, rape, or other trauma you haven’t experienced, the same advice about doing your research applies.
I think you also want to be very clear about your intentions. Why are you writing about it? What effect do you hope it will have on the audience?
Weirdly, “Is it okay if I write about rape?” is a question I see from young and middle-aged men on writing forums about once a week. When I’ve seen it, it’s always been about a girl or woman being raped. I don’t know why this is such a common question, but I’d say with this one in particular, it’s good to be clear about your intentions.
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When you write about child sex abuse, rape, and so on, it’s actually different then writing about medieval torture or other types of barbarities. If someone gets their hand chopped off by an enemy, for example, you may not even have one reader who has experienced the same thing. If a character is molested as a child or raped, many readers will have experienced the same thing, which is why it calls for more sensitivity.
I’ve seen so many people who want to write about rape and child sexual abuse survivors who are afraid of sex, who can never be in a romantic relationship, and so on, as a result. This may very well be the case for some survivors, but it’s certainly not the case for most of them.
Writing About Mental Illness or Trauma You Have Experienced
Many people are interested in writing memoirs about their traumatic or abusive childhood, or about their mental illness. They’re not likely to get them published, because there’s not much of a market for memoirs like this. One of the reasons for this is that abusive childhoods and mental illness are, unfortunately, not that unusual. However, a writer might have other personal reasons to write a memoir like this. They might feel compelled to get it down even knowing it’s probably never going to get published.
When writing about other trauma, even in the context of fiction, many authors wonder what’s okay and not okay to write in terms of how it will affect their family relationships. Ann Lamott has famously written: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
Nonetheless, writing about some things may affect your current relationships. There are consequences to what we choose to write about, and in the end, every author needs to make their own decisions about what life experiences they’re going to use.
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In an upcoming book, I am going to write about a character who’s a child rape survivor, like I am. This is Sophie Karakov, who’s mentioned in The Phoenix Codex—she’s Jonathan’s ex who went AWOL. I didn’t exactly set out to have this become part of the narrative, but I think my intention there is to show that the secrecy surrounding the trauma can be as damaging as the trauma itself.
In the end, when we’re writing about serious and disturbing subjects, whether from our own experience or not, we have a great opportunity. We can help readers understand other people’s struggles…or we can let them know they’re not alone. And we can show how much a person can survive and overcome.
Because these are such sensitive subjects, please avoid any graphic details in the comments, but I’d love to hear about your own thoughts about writing about trauma and mental illness. If you’ve experienced these things yourself, my heart goes out to you, and give yourself credit for all the ways you’ve thrived, anyway. Thanks for reading, and I wish you the best with your writing!
Thank you tremendously for writing this information. I, too, am am abuse survivor childhood on into adulthood from sexual abuse starting from early childhood adding physical, mental and emotional abuse. Then when the sexual abuse stopped the others kept up. The psychological, emotional and verbal abuse did not stop until I was 60 yrs old when I finally got strong enough to stand on my own. Your words on writing about this were incredible. THANK YOU. The character on my romance syfy novel portrays a hint of my experience. I’m so glad you wrote this information. Bless you Bryn
FYI. My old email was different (can’t reveal it online) as I was scammed and blackmailed thru someone on Instagram. Had to reinvent myself completely.
Sherrilyn, I am so sorry about all you have been through. I’m so proud of you for standing on your own. Sorry to hear about the scamming and blackmailing, too! That’s awful. Thanks so much for reading, and for commenting!
What a thoughtful breakdown of the issues and the approaches. Thank you.
Thanks, Morgan!
Thank you, Bryn. Shared a link to your post on my blog for today’s Write It Wednesday.
Aw, thank you, friend! <3
Thank you for bringing up this subject, Bryn. Your warning at the beginning of this post alerted me to the possible affects certain scenes could have on my readers. It also made me re-think the readership for my book.
Hi, Jessie! It’s always tricky with fiction, and I don’t know what the right answers are! I try to be careful with the blog. Thanks for reading! I hope your writing’s going well!
Bryn,
I think something like that would be very painful for you, take it from one who knows. When you delve back into memories like that, it will force you to relive those moments again. If you really want to do this, you have two options; write it for yourself in first person and put it away, or write it for readers, in third person. A third option just occurred to me. Write it for yourself in third person, it will give you a little distance.
Good luck with your endeavor.
Sue Rich
Hi, Sue! Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to write about it in too much detail, but it will be part of my character’s past. I really appreciate the good advice and the empathy.
Writing about the most painful memory in third person gave me the emotional distance to finally write what happened to me, but that piece is definitely private. I’m finding that those experiences can allow me to create depth in my characters.
Great article. This an issue that I have grappled with. Thank you
I remember Maria in Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls. Her love for Robert Jordan helps her overcome her rape at the hands of the fascists. There are several emotional love scenes in the novel. A feminist friend of mine thinks the novel is chauvinist. Spanish culture in the 1930s was sexist. I read the book many years ago and do not remember it as sexist. The women are strong. Maria does darn Robert Jordan’s socks, however, a dated gesture.
Thank you for posting this article. we found it very good. we’ve written two or three stories using our life experiences.we are a survivor of sexual, psychical, emotional,and verbal abuse in the worst way by our family, including our nine older brothers, and the immediate family. This article helped us, we are planning to write my memoirs. We have D.I.D. We left England to live in America for a better life. Happy writing
Talking about your mental condition is interesting, especially when it is not what most people envision. If it is yours it is a great source for writing Fiction. What do you think about when someone says my child has autism?
Last year I found out I have a condition, (mental is a poor word to describe any condition,) Shortly after retiring after 40 years in the nuclear industry, and after the passing of my lovely and very supporting wife. after my mothers passing. I have for the first time been diagnosed with what I believe is the correct condition, and there is no treatment. I’ve been treated for depression which was appropriate, but not a defining illness. You can learn a lot by just looking and listening to others. I was not looking at myself. I knew I grated on others and sought to avoid doing that, often unsuccessfully. There is a difference between those who do and those don’t know it.
So here it is: I’ve been diagnosed as High functioning autistic, (Aspergers.) I should have been diagnosed when I was a teen, I never was diagnosed until last year. and it has made sense. Here are a few of my symptoms: 1 failure to make friendships. (This does not mean antisocial.) 2 Unable to make eye contact, I converse better and more thoughtfully when looking at something other than your face. 3 Socially awkward, yeah that’s me. 4 Narrowed interests, seven years ago I picked up writing and will continue it until I meet some goal that I cannot achieve, and then go onto something else. 5 sticking to routine, yeah, pimento cheese and peanut butter sandwich was all I ate for lunch for a year. Also, work is a very comforting area. 6 Excellent pattern recognition, most definitely. 7 Poor motor skills. While I play the violin well I cannot play fast. 8 High intelligence, guilty, and it covers up a lot of symptoms, (this is not Rainman stuff.) 9 Detecting falsehood; a half lie is worse than an outright lie, and people do it all the time. when a person is asked a question and they change the subject and do it again and again, RUN. ( I bought a pickup truck with cash, but before I was able to get out of the dealership at least 5 people tried to get me to finance the truck instead. I knew they were not doing it to help me. )
The bad part, there is no treatment, no drug, the brain is hardwired.
The good part, I’m more aware of what I’m doing and stop it quicker. I still love a good pimento cheese and peanut butter sandwich.
I wouldn’t say I would write about my mental health issues but I use writing to vent. am also dxlexic which means the poetry explains what I cant. but after reading this and being a fan of Sylvia Plath I get it. my best stuff is me when I am being honest I call it. but its not out and out here’s my diagnosis. thank you for posting this. I can tell the differences. so if I have read it right (part of the reason I am posting this – understanding things Is a big issue for me). by me writing about my emotions and current experiences is kind of like writing about my mental health but in the bigger picture? I have taken the slyvia plath route, be vague but if people understand it and can get a feeling they are not alone its not a bad thing. I have read some poetry that have helped me. I may not be known just yet or ever but poetry has a almost therapy feel but if I get discovered even better. but I wouldn’t want my family reading some of my stuff. I have a pen name now.
I am so glad I came across this article! This is definitely something I’ve been thinking about and struggling with a lot. I have really been wanting to share my personal story but I have so many doubts, many of which are listed in the article. I am having a hard time coming up with ideas and I always bounce back to my own personal story and think ” well maybe I’ll just tweak it and had a fantasy element” Which I have attempted but I am still struggling. But I am grateful I read this article! thank you!
Thanks for this very interesting article.
I just wanted to point out that it doesn’t have to be a memoir–never to be commercially published–in order to tell one’s own story of dealing with these topics.
I read a lot of fantasy books and I saw how one best selling author who is a white cis-male without any personal experience of being victim of abuse has managed to create more compelling, relatable, likable characters in his books by giving them a diverse range of mental health issues from depression to PTSD due to surviving abuse and even being victim of racial/gender discrimination.
So I decided to write my own fantasy novel using my very own experience with mental health issues and being a victim of abuse. I feel that at the very least, I would be able to handle the matter more delicately and realistically. I am vex by how people like me get misrepresented in the literature, media, movies, etc. And I believe it would be useful to have more people with firsthand experience write about such topics.